Are You a Frustrated Pastor?
Confession time: I was a frustrated pastor for way too many years. I tried to hide it, but I think people knew.
Why was I frustrated?
I was full of vision and could see what was possible, yet reality often didn’t match that vision.
I imagined how things would go, only to be met with a different reality.
I avoided critical conversations, spending time chasing foxes instead of dealing with the root issues.
I was so focused on achieving, accomplishing, and climbing mountains that I missed the opportunity to appreciate the journey.
I lived under the illusion that there was a perfect place, size, or team I needed to reach in the future.
But the biggest source of my frustration?
I loved my idea of church—my vision, or as Dietrich Bonhoeffer called it, my wish-dream—more than I loved the actual church I was leading at times.
The Shift in My Pastoral Journey
In the early years of pastoring, I wasn’t frustrated. I was mostly pleasantly surprised at every turn. God was working, the Spirit was moving, and life was happening. There wasn’t social media to compare, I didn’t know many other pastors, and I wasn’t in a hurry. God was doing something special.
Then, somewhere along the way, I went to a few conferences, social media exploded, and I realized there was a lot I “should” be doing. I saw what others were doing and felt we could be doing more.
That’s when dissatisfaction crept in. I used to walk home from services smiling, full of gratitude. But at some point, I started walking home frustrated and a little disappointed. It was a subtle shift but a shift nonetheless. It took me years to turn things around in my own heart, and I regret the joy I missed during those frustrated years.
Pastor, You’re Not Alone
Recently, I spoke with a pastor who reminded me that frustration is common among church leaders. We can fall into the trap of focusing on what the church isn’t or isn’t yet.
We buy into the lie that when we arrive at some future destination, things will be easier and better. But like chasing pots of gold at the end of the rainbow, that “perfect” future never actually arrives—just new horizons to chase.
Where Does Our Frustration Come From?
Dietrich Bonhoeffer puts it powerfully in Life Together:
"Every human wish-dream that is injected into the Christian community is a hindrance to genuine community and must be banished if genuine community is to survive. Those who love their dream of a Christian community more than they love the Christian community itself become destroyers of that Christian community, even though their personal intentions may be ever so honest, earnest, and sacrificial. God hates this wishful dreaming because it makes the dreamer proud and pretentious. Those who dream of this idolized community demand that it be fulfilled by God, by others and by themselves. They enter the community of Christians with their demands set up by their own law, and judge one another and God accordingly."
"It is not we who build. Christ builds the church. Whoever is mindful to build the church is surely well on the way to destroying it, for he will build a temple to idols without wishing or knowing it. We must confess, he builds. We must proclaim, he builds. We must pray to him, and he will build. We do not know his plan. We cannot see whether he is building or pulling down. It may be that the times which by human standards are the times of collapse are for him the great times of construction. It may be that the times which from a human point are great times for the church are times when it’s pulled down. It is a great comfort which Jesus gives to his church. You confess, preach, bear witness to me, and I alone will build where it pleases me. Do not meddle in what is not your providence. Do what is given to you, and do it well, and you will have done enough."
This applies in a special way to the complaints often heard from pastors and zealous members about their congregations.
"A pastor should not complain about his congregations, certainly never to other people, but also not to God. A congregation has not been entrusted to him in order that he should become its accuser before God and men. When a person becomes alienated from a Christian community in which he has been placed and begins to raise complaints about it, he had better examine himself first to see whether the trouble is not due to his wish dream that should be shattered by God; and if this be the case, let him thank God for leading him into this predicament."
Ouch. That’s challenging.
If we want to deal with our frustration, we have to deal with our hearts, not just our churches. We must love the actual church—the real people—more than we love our vision of what is possible. This is a great tension for visionary leaders, but with the help of the Holy Spirit, it is possible to manage.
The Root of Frustration
Often, frustration stems from feelings of uncertainty and insecurity, which come from an inability to fulfill perceived needs. If our wish-dream of church becomes mixed with personal motives—if our identity and sense of purpose become tied to the church’s performance—then frustration will surface when things don’t go according to our timeline.
But God wants to heal us from this. He wants us to thrive and flourish in what He has entrusted to us, free from frustration and striving.
Leading and Living with Less Frustration
How do we move forward? Here are a few key practices:
Practice immense and regular gratitude.
Choose to enjoy the present. If you don’t enjoy it now, you’ll never enjoy it later.
Focus on the one. Centering on people and their stories keeps us grounded and encouraged.
Remember there’s no perfect church. The church is Jesus’ bride, body, and building. He delights in her, and so can we.
Embrace the mystery. There’s always more going on than meets the eye, and how things look isn’t the full story.
Frustration doesn’t produce the fruit of the Kingdom. If you’re feeling frustrated, don’t ignore it—bring it to God, seek wise counsel, and deal with it. There’s an abundant life waiting for you in ministry, and it doesn’t require a “better” church—it starts with a transformed heart.
Pastor, your church doesn’t need a frustrated leader. It needs a shepherd who leads with joy, faith, and love for the people God has already placed in front of you.
